Oh the first post of a new blog. All the pressure is on me, the writer, to be witty and entertaining and generally impress all who decide to spend their valuable time reading your rubbish. I was once told that the key to success is not to take things too seriously so I will now proceed with my post while simultaneously imagining you all naked.....:giggle: :vomit:.....
First off, please take a moment to look at the picture above and think happy, beautiful thoughts....ok, now keep those happy images in mind as you read the following post. Believe me, you'll need them.
I learned a few things in the last 2 days that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Here, let me share one of them with you. Have your listening ears on? Good, you may continue:
When checking a child's diaper, go by the rule "if it smells like poop, it's probably poop". While watching my little angels playing on the playground yesterday afternoon, I was suddenly hit in the face with the aroma of fecal matter. I started the search for the culprit the way I always do: place nose in close proximity of childs bottom and inhale slowly. It didn't take long to find the source of the stench seeing as flowers and small forest creatures were dying as this particular child walked past. It should have been obvious that this kid was in need of a diaper change. But, always trying to be optimistic, I thought "Hey, maybe he just has gas". So, I did what anyone blinded by hope would do, I stuck my hand around the waistband of his pants and pulled them away from his body under the pretence of looking down and finding my answer. Oh I found my answer alright, but I did not need to look down. All I had to do was feel the steamy hot, pastey substance that was now covering at least 3/4 of my right hand. There was poop on my hand. Poop. On my hand. POOP. I immediately smiled a huge cheesy grin remembering a CSI episode where they said smiling represses the gag reflex....it worked, sort of. I didn't panic though. I took the child inside and proceeded to use half a box of wipes cleaning off his back, butt, legs, feet, shoes and my right hand all the while smiling and breathing through my teeth. Moral of the story: You may be optimistic, but at least I don't have a handful of diarrhea.
I hope you enjoyed your first dive into the scary world that I call the everyday. There will be more to come though I will not promise regular posts. It's not nice to promise something that you know is a lie.
Until then,
I learned a few things in the last 2 days that I will treasure for the rest of my life. Here, let me share one of them with you. Have your listening ears on? Good, you may continue:
When checking a child's diaper, go by the rule "if it smells like poop, it's probably poop". While watching my little angels playing on the playground yesterday afternoon, I was suddenly hit in the face with the aroma of fecal matter. I started the search for the culprit the way I always do: place nose in close proximity of childs bottom and inhale slowly. It didn't take long to find the source of the stench seeing as flowers and small forest creatures were dying as this particular child walked past. It should have been obvious that this kid was in need of a diaper change. But, always trying to be optimistic, I thought "Hey, maybe he just has gas". So, I did what anyone blinded by hope would do, I stuck my hand around the waistband of his pants and pulled them away from his body under the pretence of looking down and finding my answer. Oh I found my answer alright, but I did not need to look down. All I had to do was feel the steamy hot, pastey substance that was now covering at least 3/4 of my right hand. There was poop on my hand. Poop. On my hand. POOP. I immediately smiled a huge cheesy grin remembering a CSI episode where they said smiling represses the gag reflex....it worked, sort of. I didn't panic though. I took the child inside and proceeded to use half a box of wipes cleaning off his back, butt, legs, feet, shoes and my right hand all the while smiling and breathing through my teeth. Moral of the story: You may be optimistic, but at least I don't have a handful of diarrhea.
I hope you enjoyed your first dive into the scary world that I call the everyday. There will be more to come though I will not promise regular posts. It's not nice to promise something that you know is a lie.
Until then,
1 comment:
lovely, hand poo. haha
*HUGS*
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